I never did the gross stuff either. I too liked pop culture and shopping and silly tv shows, much like my mom. (I highly recommend looking into how to cook with your fish encased in salt, something magical happens.). She's madly in love with him but it seems he's no nearer to noticing her feelings than he was when she started. Im going to disagree here, Wendy, and say that I think your response is filtered through your own happy, loving experience. She wasnt responding to the father though. She didnt even have to lock me in the basement. How are those pre-teen interests? July 2, 2013, 12:51 pm. If he didnt care, then that would be more worrisome. Of course they have an us against him mentality when he acts like that. Id definitely address his eye-rolling and tell him it is likely going to drive her away, but I also think that if you make an effort to stop excluding him, you might find his behavior improving. Before reading Wendys answer you and your daughter sound awesome! I am a much better, well adjusted adult because he did this instead of pretending to like whatever show I was watching at the time. Oh, This Old House. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary But believe it or not, a lot of my nerdy students do like Buffy quite a few of them go to conventions, and as far as I can tell, theyre just giant nerd festivals, so its actually kind of easy to encounter something that was popular 15 years ago because where there are nerds, there is Buffy. I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. Did we always get along? I made him put on 2 more episodes before we stopped because we HAD to go to sleep. Team sports, outdoorsy, tomboyish stuff. And make it a good one. When I was 12 I was into makeup, boys and candy. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. July 2, 2013, 3:14 pm. 2. Wendy, this advice could not have been better. Um, no. Theres alot wrong going on here, the parents should definitely get counseling to learn better communication and parenting skills. Your email address will not be published. You dont have to love Justin Bieber and Broadway to just ask the kid why she loves it so much. If this girl is a only child and is used to having her mom love all the same things she does, then she may not be particularly receptive to reading about something that doesnt interest her or doing things she doesnt like. 6napkinburger So, I have actually always been closer with my dad to be honest. Hilary Duff has always come clean about her parenting journey over the years. And the Inner Light is a great episode, I watched it recently on Netflix. I was/am (?) lets_be_honest He's been this way for some time, so I suspect he will not change quickly nor easily. July 2, 2013, 11:15 am. He should show her that he can make an effort to enjoy her interests and encourage her in the same spirit to enjoy his. I had NO IDEA what that was, so I did the can-can. As you agree, there needs to be a balance and it sounds like Dad is the only one whose realized that. Here are 16 ways husbands can unintentionally push their daughters away: It can be difficult to maintain a good relationship between your husband and your daughter, but there are a few things you can do to help. He is honest, reliable, and sincere. Theyll sacrifice a perfect moment of tenderness if they feel there is the possibility of a reciprocal expectation lurking behind the scenes. To this day we have a great relationship, and now Im able to make the same efforts for him. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_16',128,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_17',128,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-1-multi-128{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}If your daughter is still young, she may not be ready to see you with anyone other than her biological father. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. I was saying thats debatable. Also have to add that her father probably doesnt realize it, but at that age I felt like criticism of what I took an interest in was equal to criticism of myself. Meh, I wouldnt call him a total jerk, I can see getting frustrated that not only does your daughter not enjoy the samethings as you, but now all of the sudden your wife doesnt either, just because your daughter doesnt. (To be fair, I tried a couple of months ago when we started dating, but i couldnt understand a word during the fight scene, it was late and there was another 1.5 hours, so he turned it off so I could give it my full attention next time.) It actually kind of rocks once you get passed the first 20 mins (or watch them with subtitles). In reality, I think its probably somewhere between the two extremes and I think the LW has a chance to strengthen her bond with her husband and the bond between child and dad. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. Janet got the love and affection of a parent from the old maid who raised her. Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). It sounds like this dad is a bit of a jerk, who when he introduces something and she isnt into it makes fun of her. July 2, 2013, 11:50 am. However you come about discovering a new way to be together, it is better to take a chance of doing something different than to let layers of disappointment bury the love you once held sacred. My husband has driven our children away with his dictatorial behaviour 04 May, 2019 01:00 You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush MY HUSBAND is not an emotional. You wouldnt even ask that of an adult; why do you expect a kid to be okay with it? He is also very critical of both of US I hated being around my father because it was constant criticism about my interests, which frankly, felt very personal because I was deficient for not being what he wanted. Expect my son to mediate a dispute between my daughter-in-law and myself. Apparently its socially okay to go to games and paint your face and do whatever sports fans do, but Buffy marathons arent. I dont get the sense that the dad is making any effort to get to know his daughter he just wants a reflection of himself and is acting like an immature ass in the process. For the first time in my life, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to be at the stream, fishing pole in hand and waders on, to fly fish with my dad. And thats always stuck with me, and I find myself thinking about it a lot whenever theres something I dont want to do but that I know is the right thing. lets_be_honest But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. Get out the frying pan. July 2, 2013, 2:33 pm. Just saying that I dont consider Buffy the Vampire Slayer a mature, intelligent show. You need to be aware that it is possible he may resist your attempts to change things and he may even get angry, so you will need to stand firm. When they are able to see the. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. No we're not on speaking terms after he decided to sell his grandmother's home (my wife's mother) instead of keeping it. Really truly. Spyglassez She gets too invested in her daughters life. I love it. July 2, 2013, 11:06 am. July 2, 2013, 11:57 am. Older and (hopefully) wiser I have to keep an eye on myself to make sure Im more mom than friend. Or even more fun than you would. I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. I dont care if they actually do or not, hes the adult and shes the kid here, so he needs to act like it. Perhaps the suggestion of planning an event night or game night type of thing where each family member gets to plan one a week? That means the communication isnt effective and it may be that your husband has to hear this from someone outside the situation. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. You got a long with him just fine before she got in to this stage in life, and you need to act like a grown-up every once in a while, because this guys is losing his wife and his daughter, partly because you want to be her friend more than her parent all of the time. You are the only one who knows whats best for you and your family. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. No. I wish Id been closer to my mother growing up, but now that Im almost 30, were as close as can be, so maybe itll just take a few years. . That time was never truly enjoyable, no matter how much I enjoyed myself because I just wasnt compatible with his personality. Yeah, apparently mine were fans all along, but there were no records in the house, unlike the other two. Its like a circle of hell specifically for we of the ADHD. But, for example, my mom used to watch I Love Lucy and Alfred Hitchcock Presents late at night, and during the summers, Id stay up late, and I gradually developed a taste for both of them. 2 weeks later his wife tried killing him, leaving him in the hospital for 3 months. I dont understand the amount of hating on fandom today. honeybeenicki Her daughter should stop liking it just because her mother likes it. TV Review: Hitler diaries show fake news didn't begin with the internet, Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson to face public parole hearing, Big Issue seller numbers up due to cost-of-living pressures, says founder, Watch for the April 5 investment tax change, Preparing for a future sale of your business, Tom Allen is Completely committed to comedy and 'Auntie Glo', Weekend Q&A: ran Clarke from NI Opera's Nobody/Somebody, Mary Kelly: Unionists' tendency to turn a gift horse into a tin of dogmeat is legendary - and their Westminster chums are getting fed-up with it. After all, they are two different people with two different perspectives. And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. You raised a very good point that I didnt even mention. And he lived 10 minutes away from us. So I was just assuming it happened similarly for LW and her daughter. My dad really, really loves talking about the 60s, and some aspects of it, like the space race, I care about but dont really find compelling enough to discuss, but other parts, like the JFK assassination, Im fascinated by, so we talk about that a lot, along with the Civil Rights movement and what it was like to watch (he was there! My dad was also much more stern, and as a shy kid, he made me sort of uncomfortable at times. (I threw it all up and cried. Your biggest enemy when your spouse is driving you crazy is proximity. I would have been crushed if he rolled his eyes when I was excitedly talking about something. But I agree with everything else you said. Yours on their own will just isolate her as, frankly, many out there find fangirls and fanboys annoying. Find a common ground youve got to. Thats awesome! Addressing issues with the person whos causing the problem is just a good habit to get into, you know? The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. I discovered them in college and came home like, HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS? One other thought is that, maybe this really isnt about the daughter, but about her and her husband, she references herself a lot in this letter, and maybe she really has a problem with the way he treats her, but she just doesnt want to admit it. bitter_straight_lets_be_honest and your journey to the darkside shall be complete, lets_be_honest The point here is that Mom seems to allow her to only have interest in those things, which is bad. . For one mother, this nightmare is a reality, as her husbands behavior is pushing her daughter away. But in college I fell in love with art history and now I actually take days off work to go visit art museums! I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. I would go on drives to see the eagles, fished, endured Cardinal games and college basketball games. He(now) jokes that he and my mom missed out on the music of the 80s (and therefore dont know any of it) because they were listening to the wheels on the bus on repeat for the entire decade. Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. How does an interest in science and creativity equal boring? "Caught between husband and daughter" - Click Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. Its almost like shes commiserating with her daughter as though hes her father also. Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? 2. I was bookish, nerdy and fangirly so I really connect with the LWs daughter. I hope that you can in the process of all this also try to strengthen your marriage, because when your daughter gets new interests in two years or doesnt want to hang out with her parents or even when she moves out of the house, your husband is going to be the one who youre left with. Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. I did so out of obligation and obedience, but now that Im older, I certainly appreciate what I learned, and wish I had paid more attention than I did. Yes. I hope the LW looks to the comments because she is not wrong to feel hurt and confused and could have used guidance which I dont think you supplied. July 3, 2013, 1:13 am, Wait, is it possible to watch Sarah Michelle Gellar try to act and NOT roll your eyes? Definitely. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. Anyway, a person shouldnt be forced to read something they find boring, but I think that its reasonable for the dad to try to encourage that so that she grows up knowing theres stuff outside of her pop culture interests. Middle schoolers and initially, I tried to explain the history of the Salem witch trials as well as McCarthyism before we read the play. Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? How dare she share her own interests. I think this is what the LW needs to communicate to her husband. Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. 1. How about trying to find an interest that all 3 of you could enjoy together? How frustrating for your husband that you have turned your daughter into a clone of all the things about you that are probably annoying to him Things he has quietly tolerated for years But now are somehow totally taking OVER your lives. Usually, yes your car insurance coverage should extend to anyone else driving your car. Exactly! Make it easier for him to be his best self. But while we would toss a softball back and forth to help me work on not flinching, he would let me rattle on and on about whatever inane thing had my interest (I didnt read much fiction, beyond Harry Potter, but I read a lot of nature books, so I would talk about whatever animal I had been reading about recently. My Husband Hates My Daughter! 4 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship Exactly Lily! I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. It should be a crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. You are so stupid, get some real hobbies.. Is there a middle ground? You may need to have a conversation with your husband and daughter separately to get to the bottom of whats going on. Saying they were weird made me feel like the lesser for having been touched by their stories. When you are in the same space with someone who is watching TV all day or farting often or slurping their coffee or whatever, unless you get away from them you will most likely explode. I think the disparaging, if nothing else, has got to stop. I recall all too well how some can turn every god damn conversation into a deep Buffy exploration So, yes. By keeping a few key things in mind, you can make headway in even the toughest situations. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? And imagine the lesson you would have learned if your dad had rolled his eyes at your piano recital, etc. meadowphoenix He did crossword puzzles so I sat down next to him so I could learn and now we do them together. Hes so dreamy, if not annoyingly alpha-male-y. And I got into the Beatles at a VERY young age I used to listen to cassette tapes before I fell asleep, but got bored with the same-old Sesame Street and Little Mermaid, so I asked them for something new. a truly horrible driver. (I should note now that I have 2 sisters and a brother, but this is before the younger two were born. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. I think the fathers criticism is a major problem, although I also think the daughter should be encouraged to become educated and skillful in the things hes attempting to teach her too (life is better when youre well-rounded and competent in a lot of things). I must just not be seeing things clearly. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. So you need to be more encouraging of her spending time with him and stop acting like a little club. Unless its, you know, the lastest Madonna tour or album . Required fields are marked *. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fruits and veggies are healthier than potato chips thats a fact. When the symbolic slot machine pays off, you were likely to have been off and running through the interpersonal Alice in Wonderland maze again. Seriously. July 2, 2013, 11:08 am. Here are just a couple of typical statements from people in relationships with crazy-making partners: Im really confused. Every time I try to get ahead of the game, I feel like the rug is pulled out. However, my dad, who had all daughters, liked baseball and basketball and he was an outdoorsman. Learning about give and take in a relationship is very important for a 12 year old (who can often be very self-centered at that age) to know. I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. Mythbusters and other shows have done a number of episodes on sci-fi meet reality, too. July 2, 2013, 4:32 pm. July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. Adult Children Living at Home Driving You Crazy - Empowering Parents It can be tough sometimes, and obviously a lot funner to be the friend than the parent. My plan is to lock mine in the basement and bribe her into going to a local college. only in his mind is one of the most well-written and saddest things ever produced on television. Yes, I know firsthand how much some Buffy fans just need to shut up about that blasted show. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. THIS. WWS. lets_be_honest Yeah, the letter makes me really concerned for their marriage. I wanted to read 800 crappy Star Wars novels? And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests.
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